warm, inviting, kind
and yet

hiding
probing
interrogating while
observing
in front of and behind
that invisible two-way
mirror

your panic room.

i feel this, and
hesitate.
is there space for me?
will there be,
space for me?

i could run
could call it
quits. my heart
tightens
relaxes,
then swells.

and instead i
lean in
feeling my way to your core,
behind the reflection

i try to clarify, connect
establish
deep, true
emotional
intimacy

intimacy

intimacy

taking it slow? yes
please
i agree.

taking it slow? more like
hesitation,
holding back,
at arms length.

promise of
deep, true
emotional
intimacy...?

of joy
joyful togetherness...?

never fulfilled,
thwarted.

my words
misheard
not heard
twisted
to fit the

assumptions
stories in your head
the plots drawn
from other plays
plays i know not of
am not a part of.

i reached for you because

yes,
this is a
"soul" connection
and we
could be...

could be
happy. i suspect

so, i reached for you.
deflected

i reached for you.
a crumb

i reached for you.
dodge

i reached for you.
a crumb
tasty crumb

i reached for you.
defend

i reached for you.
a crumb
soft, delicate, delicious morsel

i reached for you.
run

evade
disengage
close the door
hide...
is not freedom.
is not security.

false friends
isolating
lonely
empty,
not happy.

my bruised heart? still
open
warm
holding space

to write
a song
many songs…

fear
hesitancy
avoidance...
yours,
leading to mine, and
my undoing.

i
am
---...

without words

i am
---...

nope, no words

weight on my chest
tightness.
fire
submerged.

i am
---...

at a loss.

such an innocent question.

it’s ok, don’t worry, it’s not
your responsibility.

oh, no.
i see your face
crumple
deflate
a faintest flicker of
shame
the tiniest of wounds.

but you said you found it adorable…

i do.
and
it’s not your responsibility.

OK.

your spirit
just that little bit
flatter
my complicity
unintended.

i want to hold
your hand
give it a squeeze
hold you
to reassure,

boundaries
healthy ones luv.

it’s ok to be mindful
and
possible to care
without
being responsible.
and squeeze you
just that little bit more.

i don’t.
afraid if
i do
you’ll
jump and
run.

instead,
i smile,
hoping it’s reassuring,
and drive on.

dancing near and
toward each
other,
holding still,
nearer,
holding,
nearer yet…
hoping
the other does
not back away.
both wondering
what patterns we may be repeating,

will this person accept me will they treat me as well as I’ll treat them will they treat me as well as i deserve will we enjoy each other’s company will they run away…